Mindfulmess

2020

What the heck was that!?

This year was a freaking disaster! The common question I keep hearing is, “did this year affect you or inconvenience you?” Well, uhh, EVERYONE was affected.

Whether it be health, mental health, finances, relationships, job security, and soooo much more… 2020 did a lot, to everyone.

Our 2020 in a nut shell:

In January, We celebrated 20s style & had the Great Gatsby party! I got tickets to the Ellen Show, for her birthday! It was amazing. We got tons of gifts, saw Justin Beiber, and got free Starbucks. It was the day after Kobe passed away & the episode that she did a video tribute to him- it was sad but we were happy to be there. Little did we know this was the first set of bad news/days we’d come to see in 2020.

In February, we drove up to Santa Monica and walked the pier, Scarlett stepped on the beach for the first time, and we had family time. We had mimosas at Nicky Rottens in sunny and beautiful Coronado (one of our favorite dog friendly restaurants). We also started planning for a cruise in the summer & NYC in the fall.

In March, my mother-in-law and I went to Disneyland, March 8th to be exact. The place was not busy… and for a Saturday, this was eerie but amazing because we got through the “Star Wars Galaxy Edge” & other attractions in just a few hours. We loved that day together. Little did we know that in 5 days, the world would change and life would feel like it literally just stopped.

March 13th. News articles, social media, text messages, and everyone was in the unknown. San Diego is shut down… What Does This Even Mean? Martial Law? How Do We Stay Healthy? For How Long? Will We Be Paid? What About Toilet Paper? (wtf) Are Liquor Stores Essential? Am I Essential? Can Dogs Get Sick!?!?! This is Insanity.

Okay, we had enough toilet paper and we had enough alcohol… but we seriously didn’t know what was to come. I think it’s safe to say that it.was.scary. People getting their guns ready, fighting in grocery stores, yelling at each other over a sneeze, the news was on every single minute of every single day. Board Games, Crazy Mixed Drinks, Video Games, Cleaning, Movies, Fun Recipes, TikTok, Drive-by Birthdays, and Zoom/Face Time Gatherings. I even started a mask business! What a world.

In April, Ernie & I had our 1 year anniversary. We couldn’t go anywhere and we had been home for a month already. Ernie turned on a ‘beach sunset’ on the tv, made me dinner, had some wine, started anniversary traditions, & we worked on our Lion King Puzzle.

In May, staying ‘in’ was just a lot. We got to the Boardwalk, Dog Beach, Golfing, Strawberry Picking, Some Family Time, My brother-in-law graduated college, and my mask business turned into matching dog accessories (BupBandanas).

In June & July, my sister graduated high school and had a drive-by grad party, We went to the Colorado River as a family, helped my in-laws start their outdoor renovations, and we celebrated PRIDE. Our new reality- no large gatherings, but try to live life & stay healthy..

In August, we both turned 24! Ernie had a Lakers: Kobe Year Birthday Party (yes, small gathering) and we went to Seaport Village for my birthday- fish bowls and saving birds- yikes! haha. My family also celebrated me with dinner & family time- a facial and Pala Pool! To our surprise, it was a social distanced pool and they had pretty good regulations in place. Lastly, we also went back to work.

In September & October, Scarlett turned O N E! & then Ernie went back on campus with no students, and I was on campus with all of our students. Getting back to work has been amazing. To think about how unsanitary we all were before this… blah! Wash your hands people! Haha, but kids are so icky, (I firmly believe that my immune system is strong due to working with these icky kids-lol! so thanks icky kids) but COVID has no boundaries, it will get anyone regardless of age, skin color, and social economical status. We attended the drive-thru ‘Nights of the Jack’ in Santa Monica for Halloween & stopped at Down Town Disney for some Desserts and Dinner.

In November & December, we went on a ‘nature’ road trip to Big Bear, Las Vegas, Zion, the Grand Canyon, and Mesa Arizona. The holidays were different. Is different bad, or good?? Thanksgiving was small, Celebrations were small, Christmas was small. As I sit here on December 31st, I have no regrets. This year was weird, it was different, we lost a lot- time, people, finances, but 2020 was good.

I choose, not to overlook the negatives, but to be thankful for the positives and what I learned from the negatives. 2020 showed me who is on my side. 2020 showed me what I do have– & what I don’t. 2020 made me drop the stress about ‘tomorrow’ and live in & for t o d a y. 2020 gave me much needed one-on-one intimate time with my husband & our puppy. We asked each other questions and talked about things in the world that we probably wouldn’t have done before. 2020 was a lot. This reading wasn’t to show off, or rub anything in anyones faces… this virus is not over. 2021 will be lived very similarly to 2020, but I am not dwelling on the past and the could have beens… The only option now, is to get going to wherever you are going- & if you don’t know the destination, thats O K A Y! Just start going and set small plans to continue moving forward.

I hope and pray that each of you get what you ask for, or find answers to what you’re in search of. Through highs and lows, find the positives and get through this.

I hope you have an amazing night and a fresh start to your 2021. Set some goals and don’t lose sight of what makes you happy, and what is healthy for you.

Happy New Year!!

The Comeback

Decisions decisions decisions.

Haven’t you made some pretty dumb decisions in your life? I definitely have, and they aren’t always easy to come back from, but there is nothing else you can do but that.

Growing up, everyone tells you how “none of this matters”, “the drama doesn’t matter”, “let it go” etc. But why? It truly does. Those experiences shape you in even the tiniest ways. Here is my first true “blog” and I am going to tell you a little about myself.

I am 24 years old, I am married, I have a Bup (@scarlett.the.bup), we have our own apartment in a beautiful city, our careers are going, relationship is goals, we have traveled to many cities/countries, I cherish family and absolutely adore my friends. But it wasn’t always this way, nor was it easy to attain.

3 years old and growing up with two sets of grandparents & then some. Not ever truly having a “home.” Uncertain what the weekend may bring. My life completely changed when I was 11. I was screaming for attention and nobody heard it. I did have a family & parents, but I relied on friends and their parents for rides, food, advice, etc. This age is dangerous when growing up. Minds are changing, bodies are changing, nothing makes sense and who ‘tf was there to explain these situations and help get through them!? Middle school to high school was, again, a huge transition in life. I was ripped away from some of my best friends and now set to make new ones. Again, relying on new friends, the cycle continued. Except, no one truly tells you how crucial these relationships are.

I definitely have repressed memories for SO many years of my life. Someone can tell me about a memory they so easily remember and I have to sit there and think long and hard just to remember a glimpse of it- maybe. I actually have to ask questions in order to make sure I know what they are talking about. Not remembering the hurtful moments, has also caused me to forget the good ones. How awful, right!?

Which brings me to where I am now.

I truly feel awful to everyone that was destroyed by me and my actions along the way to finding myself. I always had my guard up, to protect. I lashed out and pushed away, to ensure that I got to you first before you found a reason to leave, too. This mentality was dangerous and it was the fault of many failed friendships, relationships, and failed commitments. I am sorry.

So what now?

This has truly felt like a 12 step program. Admit what I’ve done, accept it, make a decision to change, get help- go to therapy, talk openly about it, and just freaking do it.

So that is what I did. Accepting demons and other peoples demons for that matter because wtf, I was a child- children should be protected, they shouldn’t feel what adults are feeling, adults are a child’s only world. But then, I wasn’t a child anymore… it was time to make my own decisions, and as a teenager, I had failed at doing so.

I decided that starting with my relationship was the best place to start. After all, this is the man that is choosing me, every single day. He has seen me at my lows and he deserves me at my highs. Having a truly supportive significant other was very important, after all, he is the one I want to spend my life with. He understood the blow ups, anxiety attacks, and more, and even when he didn’t, he took it all with the thought of, ‘she is working on it, we are working on it, and we will get through this.’

Do not underestimate therapy. Why is it so taboo? I have seen different therapists and there is something intriguing about the fact that this person doesn’t know anything about you, so you can be you- strange, right? My first therapist actually taught me how to control my anxiety better, find the root, and meditate- do I do this often? not anymore, but it was part of the steps I had to learn. Finding the root! So important. My OCD and need for control were a negative thing, but I have turned them into positives in my life. When finding a therapist, do not just make an appointment. Research. Decide what elements you need in order to feel comfortable. When you have your first session, it is not to scare you or intimidate you… you need to interview the therapist. Ask your therapist, “what kind of therapy modality do you use and how will you use it with me?” and go from there. I learned that modalities are “types” of skills and styles that a therapist uses. For example, mine got his education (masters) but did specific trainings and much more education over the years to truly help his patients use meditation as part of their healing process. He never steered away from it… so if your therapist is confused or says they practice many types, etc. schedule an appointment with a different one and try again. Your health is important, get through this process- even if it seems a bit stressful.

Bottom line, life is not always flowers and rainbows. Nor will you ever see rainbows if you don’t work your ass off to find your flaws and weaknesses and make a change for the better. Get up everyday, love yourself with positive affirmations, find a reason to do something each day, set goals, have a hobby do some crafts. Your past is in the past. Learn from it and move ‘tf on. Get through it, talk about every feeling you feel, at the very least, embrace those feelings. Let people in. Check in with your friends, remind them that they are important. Check in on your family members. People don’t have to like you. Be you, and if someone doesn’t like that you are doing your absolute best, forget them.

Happy 2021, the comeback, the get healthy, the do you year (but do it forever)!

I am beautiful, I am strong, I am loved, I am kind.

20s Themed- the year I thought I had plans but ended up having to go with the crazy waves! & That’s okay.

Why Mindfulmess?

So I made a blog, but why the title?

Let’s start by saying that MOST, not every, but most posts will be from Sandra. Ernie is an amazing husband and he’ll have his posts, but lets be serious- Sandra is the writer… & the talker for that matter.

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Through my short time on earth, I have gone through many experiences and had many lessons learned. A true statement that I now live by is simply, “Say your truth, and be mindful.” – but holy crap that can be a little messy sometimes. mindful-mess, get it?

Anyways, I created this blog because one, I do like to write and relate to stories, lessons, experiences, etc. and two, why not put my stories, lessons, and experiences out there for you, in hopes that I can help someone- anyone– create ideas, feel better, relate, or anything else for that matter!

I am a go-getter and I work hard for the things I attain and achieve. Ernie is a dreamer, together- this works! I hope to be able to give some insights on our travels, my creativity, organization skills, relationship experience, puppy training, and crazy life!

Please follow us on Instagram & Facebook (@WorldReyes) for direct updates on new posts. Please feel free to message us with any direct questions etc. I look forward to where this may go… and if your computer screen or phone screen is as far as it goes, I hope you enjoy!

Love Always, Sandra, Ernie, & Scarlett Reyes